As women, we get so caught up in placing other people’s needs before ours and we are constantly giving of our time, energy, resources and money. Women more than anyone, need alone time. However, we all can benefit from it especially now in 2020 and beyond. There is even science behind the importance of carving out time alone.
Science has shown many positive outcomes from spending time alone. In general, alone time makes you more aware of yourself, others and your surroundings. It increases productivity and mental strength. Creativity soars when regular alone time is practiced. Studies show alone time increases happiness and reduces depression. Something we all need right now.
The biggest resistance and push back I receive from women on this topic are: “I don’t have time”, “I don’t have the money”, or “I would feel guilty leaving my family for any extended period”. These are all simply excuses. We create excuses when the lifestyle change requires work and planning.
The excuse of no time is the worst excuse of all. We all waste time. Whether it’s not managing our time properly or being distracted by social media scrolling or Netflix binge watching. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. I recommend you spent a few days documenting how you spend your time. When I did this activity, I realized I had many segments of time that I could not account for. I also tracked and still do on my phone, how much time I spend a day on social media. If you have an iPhone, you can set daily limits for these apps and even see where and how much you are spending on each app and total.
Then there is the excuse of no money. I used this one a lot when my kids were younger and money was tight but if you get creative, you can still make it happen. Maybe you won’t be able to do the extended retreat, but you can do two 8-hour days locally and come home for dinner and bedtime. I actually did this for my first alone retreat. Think creatively on exchanging time with another mom or neighbor. Ask a family member to watch the kids so you can get away. Talk with your spouse on ways to allow for this special time for yourself.
We need to change our mindset and learn to honor ourselves with respect and this form of self-care. We will be better moms, wives, friends, colleagues, sisters, if we allow ourselves this alone time without guilt. You will make space for what is important. So, make that mental decision that this lifestyle change is extremely important since it involves your health, sanity and longevity. In addition, they say, what is planned will happen. Carve out various types of alone time throughout the year on your calendar. Write it down.
We can approach alone time in varying increments of time. Consider having these three types of time alone.
First, have a daily practice of being alone. It can be as little as 10 minutes a day. It might include simply some quiet time to think and reflect, meditation, a bubble bath, reading or a short walk.
Secondly, have a whole day to yourself periodically throughout the year, maybe every 2 months. It could be anything 4 hours or more. Ideas may include extended items you do on a daily basis. For example, maybe an extended time of reflection and journaling. A nature hike or go to the park or a museum. Find something you enjoy doing that is quiet and does not involve other people. Shopping is out of the question, even if you think it’s “therapy” for you.
Thirdly, plan an annual extended retreat of 2-3 days alone. Not a girl’s weekend, although those are important too. If you can afford it, go away somewhere different, explore somewhere you’ve wanted to go. You can rent an Airbnb while there. If money is an issue, consider house sitting for someone local or find a place within driving distance or if you like camping.
As I have moved from being an extrovert to more of an introvert, I’ve always known the importance of alone time. However, I too was stuck on the typical excuses. Finally, as stress increased in my life and I was experiencing more significant peri-menopause symptoms, the need pushed away those excuses because now my health was on the line. Three years ago, I made a conscious effort to implement these three types of alone time practices into my schedule. I now have a regular morning routine of alone time in which I meditate, pray and reflectively journal. My extended days alone include walking or hiking and an Epsom salt bath, among other quiet activities on a quarterly basis. I recently returned from my third year of a retreat of solitude. This time away helps me to reset my intentions, destress, disconnect from my phone and social media while going deeper into self-discovery and change. I have scheduled my retreat time usually in October for some reason. Even though it’s not quite the end of the year, I reflect on the year so far and do some forward planning for the next year and set clear intentions. Although October may be a good month for me, you will need to evaluate the best time for you and make a commitment to do it annually. You will thank yourself for this treat and gift of time.
ACTION PLAN:
1) Create a morning routine that incorporates at least 10 minutes of alone time daily. If needed, get up 15 minutes earlier to make the space for this precious time.
2) Make a list of 10 things you could do alone that you enjoy that don’t involve noisy distractions. No shopping or hanging out with your girlfriends. Then schedule a day of alone time within the next two months. Plan other times on a monthly, semi-monthly or quarterly basis.
3) Make a list of 10 places you would like to go either locally, within driving distance or within the country. Look at your yearly calendar and schedule in a weekend away alone. Notice if there seems to be a better month within your family’s schedule. For years, June was the only month where we didn’t have soccer commitments within our family. This will ebb and flow depending on activities and commitments and workload.
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